April 2012
4 posts
“I just found out there’s already a book called “Hunger Games.”...”
– Springfield, Missouri
“Not all of the prostitutes at truck stops are biologically female. I just found...”
– Joplin, Missouri
“I think the word “wino” is very derogatory and offensive. I prefer...”
– Tulsa, Oklahoma
“Guess what? I just found affordable, government-subsidized housing. APRIL...”
– Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
March 2012
17 posts
“Good news: I found an old, slightly-soiled wedding dress, in the dumpster behind...”
– Ardmore, Oklahoma
“Getting drunk off mayonnaise may sound impossible, but I’ve always...”
– Denton, Texas
“Has anyone seen my missing nickel? It’s round and wooden and…...”
– Dallas, Texas
“If you’re an actor, all the world’s a stage. If you’re a...”
– DeSoto, Texas
“Can mouthwash go rancid? I’m going to need a real quick answer on this...”
– Waco, Texas
“I just found a phone book! A FREE phone book! Suck it, Donald Trump.”
– Belton, Texas
“I once spent 18 months living in a black garbage bag. If that doesn’t...”
– Georgetown, Texas
“I got so drunk this afternoon, that I threw up in the street & then passed...”
– Austin, Texas
“Being a “Homeless Hotspot” has its disadvantages. For example, I...”
– Austin, Texas
“I just spent the past week as a “Homeless Hotspot.” Next on my...”
– Austin, Texas
“I get heartburn pretty easily, in case you were wondering why I never put salsa...”
– Los Angeles, California
“I used to be Mormon, until I learned that the Catholics give out free wine.”
– Los Angeles, California
“I see no reason to upgrade to a new ipan. After all, my current ipan fries food...”
– Los Angeles, California
“I have such a headache this morning. I wish I hadn’t eaten my last aspirin...”
– Los Angeles, California
“There’s a rumor going around the hobo community that Paula Deen is made...”
– Los Angeles, California
“I usually have no idea what I’m carrying around in my backpack, maybe 80%...”
– Los Angeles, California
“Refrigerators are now so high-tech, they talk back!” I thought to myself,...”
– Los Angeles, California
February 2012
22 posts
“I just met a hobo who looked a LOT like Spencer Pratt. Or maybe it actually was...”
– Los Angeles, California
“I want to pitch a tv show about hobos to Hollywood. After all, they already have...”
– Los Angeles, California
“Spent the last few days in jail. Apparently pretending to be the Drunk Pope in...”
– Los Angeles, California
“I don’t mean to brag, but I’m the one who taught Mary Kate Olsen how...”
– Alpine, California
“Did you know that gypsies are really good at hula hoops? I only learned that...”
– Ocotillo, California
“Step 1: Cut a hole in the top of an apple. Step 2: Fill the apple with whiskey....”
– El Centro, California
“Whenever I get “meth” and “math” mixed up, I simply...”
– Yuma, Arizona
“Apparently prostitutes don’t give out freebies on Valentine’s Day....”
– Yuma, Arizona
“3,712 and counting. This is the last year that I give an individual...”
– Wellton, Arizona
“Just submitted the application to have my beard registered as a National...”
– Gila Bend, Arizona
“I seriously don’t understand why I wear a wristwatch.”
– Casa Grande, Arizona
“I want to send Susan Boyle a Valentine’s Day card. Does anyone have her...”
– Chandler, Arizona
“On behalf of the hobo community, I would like to formally request that KFC bring...”
– Mesa, Arizona
“I am to mouthwash as clydesdale horses are to beer.”
– Mesa, Arizona
“You may not know this, but I invented the fist bump. I was holding a beer at the...”
– Phoenix, Arizona
“I think my least favorite part about the Super Bowl was when the manager said...”
– Phoenix, Arizona
“To all atheists, I say: if there is no God, then how do you explain whipped...”
– Phoenix, Arizona
“I’m always flattered whenever someone asks me to sign a copy of my book....”
– New River, Arizona
“Shaving with a broken glass bottle is always difficult. But on the bright side,...”
– Camp Verde, Arizona
“I ate a groundhog for breakfast this morning. Does that mean there are going to...”
– Camp Verde, Arizona
“My favorite singer of all time is that nice lady who sings about brushing her...”
– Flagstaff, Arizona
“It’s been 8 weeks since I emailed my article, “How to Make Toilet...”
– Flagstaff, Arizona
January 2012
17 posts
“I met a really old chicken last night named Benjamin Button. I ate him for...”
– Tuba City, Arizona
“I think most people would be surprised to learn that the majority of my t-shirts...”
– Kanab, Utah
“The president better mention me in tonight’s State of the Union. I’d...”
– South Salt Lake, Utah
“Why do people keep saying “Bill, you & Donald Trump are the same age....”
– Salt Lake City, Utah
“Take it from an expert: I’ve been eating beans for years, and not only are...”
– Salt Lake City, Utah
“Why is everyone in this Walmart screaming? I’ve played the game Operation...”
– Kingman, Arizona
“It’s been more than 12 weeks, & I still don’t know how to eat...”
– Kingman, Arizona 